{
  "schema": "tga.work.v1",
  "identifier": "dresden:vol-11:fool-friends",
  "slug": "fool-friends",
  "title": "Fool Friends",
  "subtitle": "On the well-meaning enemies of the cause.",
  "excerpt": "Short essay on the supporters whose over-enthusiasm, tactlessness, or stupidity set a cause back more than its opponents ever could.",
  "year": 1887,
  "volume": 11,
  "category": "Essay",
  "author": {
    "name": "Robert G. Ingersoll",
    "wikidata": "Q360326",
    "viaf": "44331023"
  },
  "isPartOf": {
    "title": "The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll",
    "edition": "Dresden Edition",
    "publisher": "C. P. Farrell",
    "year": 1900
  },
  "license": "https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/",
  "url": "https://thegreatagnostic.com/works/fool-friends/",
  "wordCount": 308,
  "body": "NOTHING hurts a man, nothing hurts a party so terribly as fool friends.\n\nA fool friend is the sewer of bad news, of slander and all base and\nunpleasant things.\n\nA fool friend always knows every mean thing that has been said against\nyou and against the party.\n\nHe always knows where your party is losing, and the other is making\nlarge gains.\n\nHe always tells you of the good luck your enemy has had.\n\nHe implicitly believes every story against you, and kindly suspects your\ndefence.\n\nA fool friend is always full of a kind of stupid candor.\n\nHe is so candid that he always believes the statement of an enemy.\n\nHe never suspects anything on your side.\n\nNothing pleases him like being shocked by horrible news concerning some\ngood man.\n\nHe never denies a lie unless it is in your favor.\n\nHe is always finding fault with his party, and is continually begging\npardon for not belonging to the other side.\n\nHe is frightfully anxious that all his candidates should stand well with\nthe opposition.\n\nHe is forever seeing the faults of his party and the virtues of the\nother.\n\nHe generally shows his candor by scratching the ticket.\n\nHe always searches every nook and comer of his conscience to find a\nreason for deserting a friend or a principle.\n\nIn the moment of victory he is magnanimously on your side.\n\nIn defeat he consoles you by repeating prophecies made after the event.\n\nThe fool friend regards your reputation as common prey for all the\nvultures, hyenas and jackals.\n\nHe takes a sad pleasure in your misfortunes.\n\nHe forgets his principles to gratify your enemies.\n\nHe forgives your maligner, and slanders you with all his heart.\n\nHe is so friendly that you cannot kick him.\n\nHe generally talks for you but always bets the other way.\n"
}