NOTHING hurts a man, nothing hurts a party so terribly as fool friends. ¶
A fool friend is the sewer of bad news, of slander and all base and unpleasant things. ¶
A fool friend always knows every mean thing that has been said against you and against the party. ¶
He always knows where your party is losing, and the other is making large gains. ¶
He always tells you of the good luck your enemy has had. ¶
He implicitly believes every story against you, and kindly suspects your defence. ¶
A fool friend is always full of a kind of stupid candor. ¶
He is so candid that he always believes the statement of an enemy. ¶
He never suspects anything on your side. ¶
Nothing pleases him like being shocked by horrible news concerning some good man. ¶
He never denies a lie unless it is in your favor. ¶
He is always finding fault with his party, and is continually begging pardon for not belonging to the other side. ¶
He is frightfully anxious that all his candidates should stand well with the opposition. ¶
He is forever seeing the faults of his party and the virtues of the other. ¶
He generally shows his candor by scratching the ticket. ¶
He always searches every nook and comer of his conscience to find a reason for deserting a friend or a principle. ¶
In the moment of victory he is magnanimously on your side. ¶
In defeat he consoles you by repeating prophecies made after the event. ¶
The fool friend regards your reputation as common prey for all the vultures, hyenas and jackals. ¶
He takes a sad pleasure in your misfortunes. ¶
He forgets his principles to gratify your enemies. ¶
He forgives your maligner, and slanders you with all his heart. ¶
He is so friendly that you cannot kick him. ¶
He generally talks for you but always bets the other way. ¶