A Wooden God
On the deification of the Bible.

by Robert G. Ingersoll
(1879)

From The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll (Dresden Edition, 1900–1902), Volume 11.
Source: https://thegreatagnostic.com/works/a-wooden-god/
Public domain. CC0 / Public Domain Mark 1.0.

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

To the Editor:

To-day Messrs. Wright, Dickey, O'Connor, and Murch, of the select
committee on the causes of the present depression of labor, presented
the majority special report upon Chinese immigration.

These gentlemen are in great fear for the future of our most holy and
perfectly authenticated religion, and have, like faithful watchmen,
from the walls and towers of Zion, hastened to give the alarm. They have
informed Congress that "Joss has his temple of worship in the Chinese
quarters, in San Francisco. Within the walls of a dilapidated structure
is exposed to the view of the faithful the god of the Chinaman, and here
are his altars of worship. Here he tears up his pieces of paper; here he
offers up his prayers; here he receives his religious consolations,
and here is his road to the celestial land;" that "Joss is located in a
long, narrow room in a building in a back alley, upon a kind of altar;"
that "he is a wooden image, looking as much like an alligator as like a
human being;" that the Chinese "think there is such a place as heaven;"
that "all classes of Chinamen worship idols;" that "the temple is open
every day at all hours;" that "the Chinese have no Sunday;" that this
heathen god has "huge jaws, a big red tongue, large white teeth, a
half-dozen arms, and big, fiery eyeballs. About him are placed offerings
of meat and other eatables—a sacrificial offering."

*A letter to the Chicago Times, written at Washington, D. C., March
27,1880.

No wonder that these members of the committee were shocked at such an
image of God, knowing as they did that the only true God was correctly
described by the inspired lunatic of Patmos in the following words:

"And there sat in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks one like
unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt
about the paps with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white
like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and
his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his
voice as the sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven
stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp, two-edged sword: and his
countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength."

Certainly a large mouth filled with white teeth is preferable to one
used as the scabbard of a sharp, two-edged sword. Why should these
gentlemen object to a god with big, fiery eyeballs, when their own Deity
has eyes like a flame of fire?

Is it not a little late in the day to object to people because they
sacrifice meat and other eatables to their god? We all know that for
thousands of years the "real" God was exceedingly fond of roasted meat;
that he loved the savor of burning flesh, and delighted in the perfume
of fresh, warm blood.

The following account of the manner in which the "living God" desired
that his chosen people should sacrifice, tends to show the degradation
and religious blindness of the Chinese:

"Aaron therefore went unto the altar, and slew the calf of the sin
offering, which was for himself. And the sons of Aaron brought the blood
unto him: and he dipped his finger in the blood, and put it upon the
horns of the altar, and poured out the blood at the bottom of the altar:
But the fat, and the kidneys, and the caul above the liver of the sin
offering, he burnt upon the altar; as the Lord commanded Moses. And the
flesh and the hide he burnt with fire without the camp. And he slew the
burnt offering; and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which
he sprinkled round about upon the altar.   * And he brought the meat
offering, and took a handful thereof, and burnt it upon the altar.   *
He slew also the bullock and the ram for a sacrifice of peace offering,
which was for the people: and Aaron's sons presented unto him the
blood, which he sprinkled upon the altar round about, and the fat of the
bullock and of the ram, the rump, and that which covereth the inwards
and the kidneys, and the caul above the liver, and they put the fat upon
the breasts, and he burnt the fat upon the altar. And the breast and the
right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the Lord, as Moses
commanded."

If the Chinese only did something like this, we would know that they
worshiped the "living" God. The idea that the supreme head of the
"American system of religion" can be placated with a little meat and
"ordinary eatables" is simply preposterous. He has always asked for
blood, and has always asserted that without the shedding of blood there
is no remission of sin.

The world is also informed by these gentlemen that "the idolatry of
the Chinese produces a demoralizing effect upon our American youth by
bringing sacred things into disrespect, and making religion a theme of
disgust and contempt."

In San Francisco there are some three hundred thousand people. Is it
possible that a few Chinese can bring our "holy religion" into disgust
and contempt? In that city there are fifty times as many churches as
joss-houses. Scores of sermons are uttered every week; religious books
and papers are plentiful as leaves in autumn, and somewhat dryer;
thousands of Bibles are within the reach of all. And there, too, is the
example of a Christian city.

Why should we send missionaries to China if we can not convert the
heathen when they come here? When missionaries go to a foreign land,
the poor, benighted people have to take their word for the blessings
showered upon a Christian people; but when the heathen come here they
can see for themselves. What was simply a story becomes a demonstrated
fact. They come in contact with people who love their enemies. They see
that in a Christian land men tell the truth; that they will not take
advantage of strangers; that they are just and patient, kind and tender;
that they never resort to force; that they have no prejudice on account
of color, race, or religion; that they look upon mankind as brethren;
that they speak of God as a universal Father, and are willing to work,
and even to suffer, for the good not only of their own countrymen, but
of the heathen as well. All this the Chinese see and know, and why
they still cling to the religion of their country is to me a matter of
amazement.

We all know that the disciples of Jesus do unto others as they would
that others should do unto them, and that those of Confucius do not unto
others anything that they would not that others should do unto them.
Surely, such peoples ought to live together in perfect peace.

Rising with the subject, growing heated with a kind of holy indignation,
these Christian representatives of a Christian people most solemnly
declare that:

"Anyone who is really endowed with a correct knowledge of our religious
system, which acknowledges the existence of a living God and an
accountability to him, and a future state of reward and punishment, who
feels that he has an apology for this abominable pagan worship is not a
fit person to be ranked as a good citizen of the American Union. It is
absurd to make any apology for its toleration. It must be abolished,
and the sooner the decree goes forth by the power of this Government the
better it will be for the interests of this land."

I take this, the earliest opportunity, to inform these gentlemen
composing a majority of the committee, that we have in the United States
no "religious system"; that this is a secular Government. That it has
no religious creed; that it does not believe or disbelieve in a future
state of reward and punishment; that it neither affirms nor denies
the existence of a "living God"; and that the only god, so far as this
Government is concerned, is the legally expressed will of a majority of
the people. Under our flag the Chinese have the same right to worship a
wooden god that you have to worship any other. The Constitution protects
equally the church of Jehovah and the house of Joss. Whatever their
relative positions may be in heaven, they stand upon a perfect equality
in the United States.

This Government is an Infidel Government. We have a Constitution with
man put in and God left out; and it is the glory of this country that we
have such a Constitution.

It may be surprising to you that I have an apology for pagan worship,
yet I have. And it is the same one that I have for the writers of this
report. I account for both by the word superstition. Why should
we object to their worshiping God as they please? If the worship is
improper, the protestation should come not from a committee of Congress,
but from God himself. If he is satisfied that is sufficient.

Our religion can only be brought into contempt by the actions of those
who profess to be governed by its teachings. This report will do more
in that direction than millions of Chinese could do by burning pieces of
paper before a wooden image. If you wish to impress the Chinese with the
value of your religion, of what you are pleased to call "The American
system," show them that Christians are better than heathens. Prove to
them that what you are pleased to call the "living God" teaches higher
and holier things, a grander and purer code of morals than can be found
upon pagan pages. Excel these wretches in industry, in honesty, in
reverence for parents, in cleanliness, in frugality; and above all by
advocating the absolute liberty of human thought.

Do not trample upon these people because they have a different
conception of things about which even this committee knows nothing.

Give them the same privilege you enjoy of making a God after their own
fashion. And let them describe him as they will. Would you be willing
to have them remain, if one of their race, thousands of years ago, had
pretended to have seen God, and had written of him as follows:

"There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth
devoured: coals were kindled by it,   * and he rode upon a cherub and
did fly."

Why should you object to these people on account of their religion? Your
objection has in it the spirit of hate and intolerance. Of that spirit
the Inquisition was born. That spirit lighted the fagot, made the
thumbscrew, put chains upon the limbs, and lashes upon the backs of men.
The same spirit bought and sold, captured and kidnapped human beings;
sold babes, and justified all the horrors of slavery.

Congress has nothing to do with the religion of the people. Its members
are not responsible to God for the opinions of their constituents, and
it may tend to the happiness of the constituents for me to state that
they are in no way responsible for the religion of the members.
Religion is an individual, not a national, matter. And where the nation
interferes with the right of conscience, the liberties of the people are
devoured by the monster superstition.

If you wish to drive out the Chinese, do not make a pretext of religion.
Do not pretend that you are trying to do God a favor. Injustice in his
name is doubly detestable. The assassin can not sanctify his dagger by
falling on his knees, and it does not help a falsehood if it be uttered
as a prayer. Religion, used to intensify the hatred of men toward men
under the pretence of pleasing God, has cursed this world.

A portion of this most remarkable report is intensely religious. There
is in it almost the odor of sanctity; and when reading it, one is
impressed with the living piety of its authors. But on the twenty-fifth
page there are a few passages that must pain the hearts of true
believers.

Leaving their religious views, the members immediately betake themselves
to philosophy and prediction. Listen:

"The Chinese race and the American citizen, whether native-born or one
who is eligible to our naturalization laws and becomes a citizen, are in
a state of antagonism. They cannot, or will not, ever meet upon common
ground, and occupy together the same social level. This is impossible.
The pagan and the Christian travel different paths. This one believes in
a living God; and that one in a type of monsters and the worship of wood
and stone. Thus in the religion of the two races of men they are as wide
apart as the poles of the two hemispheres. They cannot now and never
will approach the same religious altar. The Christian will not recede
to barbarism, nor will the Chinese advance to the enlightened belt
(whatever it is) of civilization.   * He cannot be converted to those
modern ideas of religious worship which have been accepted by Europe and
which crown the American system."

Christians used to believe that through their religion all the nations
of the earth were finally to be blest. In accordance with that belief
missionaries have been sent to every land, and untold wealth has been
expended for what has been called the spread of the gospel.

I am almost sure that I have read somewhere that "Christ died for all
men," and that "God is no respecter of persons." It was once taught that
it was the duty of Christians to tell all people the "tidings of
great joy." I have never believed these things myself, but have always
contended that an honest merchant was the best missionary. Commerce
makes friends, religion makes enemies; the one enriches and the other
impoverishes; the one thrives best where the truth is told, the other
where falsehoods are believed. For myself, I have but little confidence
in any business or enterprise or investment that promises dividends only
after the death of the stockholders.

But I am astonished that four Christian statesmen, four members of
Congress, in the last quarter of the nineteenth century, who seriously
object to people on account of their religious convictions, should
still assert that the very religion in which they believe—and the
only religion established by the "living God," head of the American
system—is not adapted to the spiritual needs of one-third of the human
race. It is amazing that these four gentlemen have, in the defence
of the Christian religion, announced the discovery that it is wholly
inadequate for the civilization of mankind; that the light of the cross
can never penetrate the darkness of China; "that all the labors of
the missionary, the example of the good, the exalted character of our
civilization, make no impression upon the pagan life of the Chinese;"
and that even the report of this committee will not tend to elevate,
refine, and Christianize the yellow heathen of the Pacific coast. In the
name of religion these gentlemen have denied its power, and mocked at
the enthusiasm of its founder. Worse than this, they have predicted for
the Chinese a future of ignorance and idolatry in this world, and, if
the "American system" of religion is true, hell-fire in the next.

For the benefit of these four philosophers and prophets I will give a
few extracts from the writings of Confucius, that will, in my judgment,
compare favorably with the best passages of their report:

"My doctrine is that man must be true to the principles of his nature,
and the benevolent exercise of them toward others.

With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and with my bended arm for
a pillow, I still have joy.

Riches and honor acquired by injustice are to me but floating clouds.

The man who, in view of gain, thinks of righteousness; who, in view of
danger, forgets life, and who remembers an old agreement, however far
back it extends, such a man may be reckoned a complete man.

Recompense injury with justice, and kindness with kindness.

There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's
life: Reciprocity is that word."

When the ancestors of the four Christian Congressmen were barbarians,
when they lived in caves, gnawed bones, and worshiped dried snakes, the
infamous Chinese were reading these sublime sentences of Confucius. When
the forefathers of these Christian statesmen were hunting toads to
get the jewels out of their heads, to be used as charms, the wretched
Chinese were calculating eclipses, and measuring the circumference
of the earth. When the progenitors of these representatives of the
"American system of religion" were burning women charged with nursing
devils, the people "incapable of being influenced by the exalted
character of our civilization," were building asylums for the insane.

Neither should it be forgotten that, for thousands of years, the Chinese
have honestly practiced the great principle known as Civil Service
Reform—a something that even the administration of Mr. Hayes has
reached only through the proxy of promise.

If we wish to prevent the immigration of the Chinese, let us reform our
treaties with the vast empire from whence they came. For thousands of
years the Chinese secluded themselves from the rest of the world. They
did not deem the Christian nations fit to associate with. We forced
ourselves upon them. We called, not with cards, but with cannon. The
English battered down the door in the names of opium and Christ. This
infamy was regarded as another triumph for the gospel. At last, in
self-defence, the Chinese allowed Christians to touch their shores.
Their wise men, their philosophers, protested, and prophesied that time
would show that Christians could not be trusted. This report proves that
the wise men were not only philosophers, but prophets.

Treat China as you would England. Keep a treaty while it is in force.
Change it if you will, according to the laws of nations, but on no
account excuse a breach of national faith by pretending that we are
dishonest for God's sake.
